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One of the most important skills to have and develop in this life

Wednesday 11/6/24

If a person says that they're cutting family members out of their lives because of how they voted, that person might not be the issue, but they are an issue.


We need to have perspective. No one is ever going to bat 1.000 with you. There will be things that you don't like about them, maybe things you don't respect.


You can't play for a totality. All or nothing. We need to look at those people and also consider how they've helped us, how they're there for us. How they have been or would be.


One of the greatest and rarest skills in this life is the ability to compartmentalize. I have do it all the time. If something is being done to me that is very bad, I must not be very bad. I must still conduct myself with integrity. The hate that is brought to bear on me must not be hate which I repurpose to use against others.


When people seek to lock me out, I must still arise and create as though all were open to me, or can be later. I cannot press the point of the pencil harder into the pages because of the anger I feel as to how I am treated. That pencil must move over the page in as lively and graceful a manner as possible, if you will. My heart cannot be an anchor that holds me in place, prevents me from moving. Stops me from going forward.


People don't commit to very much. They do what they have to do, and they usually won't do more. They tend to the knock at the door. Do you follow me? They don't throw open the door on their own, and set off down the street looking to do the best they can up and down the boulevards of their lives and in the lives of others.


A person makes a choice to live with what another may or may not do, because that other person also does or offers something else. The more evolved someone is, the more aware they are of their strengths and shortcomings and those of other people. They may see bad things that a person who rarely looks and notices very little doesn't see at all.


One of the most damaging themes of our age is that of isolation. We are isolationists. We isolate without knowing that's what we're doing, because we call the forms of isolation other things. Political differences. A parting over values.


Language is dying. With the death of language comes the death of communication. If people can't communicate well, they can't connect. They can pair up. That's different. It is becoming harder and harder and harder to have any points of connection in our world. We don't talk well enough. We posture. We perform. We are conditioned to try and get that "like" and that "follow" rather than to have an honest exchange where we put forward who we truly are.


We're more scared than ever. We are less ourselves than ever. We have a greater inability to be ourselves than ever, and with that, we know ourselves less well than we ever have.


You have to compartmentalize. You have to learn to have that mental discipline. What do I say in these pages? I take no bait. I never react in anger. I never react out of emotion. I have the feelings I do. What would your feelings be in this situation?


But I put those feelings aside. I decided to do that. It became my policy. Otherwise, I'd be hurting myself, I'd be hurting my own cause, and I'd be less than I can and should be.


And part of that would have been my fault, because I had agency. No matter what was being done to me. I could still decide to be a certain way.


If you're counting on people to bat 1.000--which is to say, to be and think all of the ways you want--then you might be struggling to hit above .225 or whatever low batting average we might use yourself.


When you don't like something about someone, remind yourself of what you do like. Be grateful for it. Let that person lead that way in your thoughts when you think about them--with that thing they do that helps you. That shows they care about you. That is admirable.


I think you'll find that those good things aren't common things. That is, if we have someone who truly loves us, we don't have 100 people who do. We probably don't have six.


There's this thing I do and maybe it will be useful for you. I understand that this sounds like I'm talking about post-election results right now, but I'm not. I could write what I'm writing here on any day, but given how people are talking today, the timing seems apt.


I ask myself what would happen if I was in great need, if there was an emergency, and I reached out to so and so. What would they do? I don't know what would happen, but I think I have a good idea.


And if you can say that they'd drop anything and help you, you have to try to know that person first and foremost for something like that. Not the things you might not like about them or agree with.


And you know what? Agreeing is a simple concept that is often about ego.


Do you notice how rarely I say, "I agree with..."


If a person knows me personally, they probably can't recall a single time I've ever said that to them.


People say it to me a lot. I don't care if they agree with me, because I don't need that validation and, chances are, whatever they're talking about isn't something they know much about and I do.


They're measuring themselves against my "verdict." If we have that verdict in common--no matter our completely different levels of knowledge and how we got to that conclusion or the statement thereof--they feel good about themselves.


Like if I say something about a Beatles record. Consider how much thought and knowledge went into that on my part. If someone looks at that remark or argument and thinks, "Sounds good to me" and then adds, "I agree," they like that because of what I represent to them. The agreement puts us up there together on this same plane. We both got here, in effect. Look at us.


But did we really?


So much goes into knowing something. Anything. People believe that they're right far, far, far more than they are. And they're almost never totally right. About anything, regardless of how simple it is.


That's what Socrates was getting at with his form of knowledge. People don't have Socratic wisdom. They have it less now than ever before, because no one knows anything and just about everyone talks out of their ass without anyone to stop or challenge them or disprove what they're saying because everyone's ignorant.


It's a cacophony. Babel.


The person that we're upset with for thinking what they think doesn't even think it that much, or, I should say, that well. They didn't look that deeply into it, no matter if they regularly read the content of a few websites and have a subscription to what not.


They're typically filling time in that case, like it's a hobby, because as with most people, they lack for interests.


Are you going to change that about them?


How about this: Are you going to change it about yourself? Because you're probably doing the same thing, you just like your opinions better.


But what if something awful happened and you called them? How fast are they there? How much do they want to see you be okay? What if they say to you, "Just tell me what you need"?


Maybe you can't know that for certain about someone, but I think we usually have a decent idea. And often there's precedent.


Like I said, you have to learn to compartmentalize. That involves awareness and mental discipline.


It's harder all of the time for us to have relationships because of so many factors. Look at this horrible age and our devolution. People now often think that because technology is going in one direction, that we're advancing along with it, because we made that technology, but the opposite that's true.


Remind yourself about the things you know to be good about someone else. That doesn't mean turn a blind eye. It means pick your spots, pick your battles, know what you have, know what you might not have.


And you know what? You are likely also best served by them doing the same thing with you.


Something to be aware of.



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