Thursday 1/16/25
I spoke to my buddy--briefly, because she hung up on me. Basically she sat there eating a big ice cream cone, with it getting smeared all over her face. I asked her how she could eat ice cream when it was so cold out, and she said it was nice and warm at Grammie's. That's good. I added that she must be excited to be turning four in a few days, and she lunged towards the screen with all of her little fingers on one hand shooting out, saying, "Five!" I said, I know, I was just seeing if you were paying attention. Then she sat back down and re-commenced slurping at her cone.
Her sister, my best pal Lilah, has the flu and walking pneumonia and was not at school today for the fourth day in a row. Amelia told me about this and did a nice job saying the word "pneumonia," which is not an easy word to say. She has speech lessons twice a week and they seem to be helping.
My friend's father is dying it sounds like. He's been sick for a long time, he's wanted to die--with his wife having already passed, he essentially gave up on life--and my friend said the doctors told him that his father had come to the end, there was really nothing more that could be done at this point, and, as he put it, they dropped the decision in his lap to stop with treatment and let the end play out.
I texted him saying that unfortunately we have to help people to die. It's one way--a last way--we show them our love. I told him to be strong and that it would be okay and I was here for him. There's not much else one can say.
I feel like it is a calm before the storm--before my storm. Before I open up these clouds and let it all rain down. I need to be creating the best that could be created in order to feel as alive as I can be.
Yesterday I kind of regathered. Today was more getting used to the computer, seeing what it's able to do. It's so fast. The computer wasn't staying asleep, so I had to troubleshoot that. I changed a bunch of settings and installed the latest operating system. Something fixed it. I don't know what, though. The Grateful Dead Grabber has been put to constant use. Did work out something for a music book. I wrote these assorted entries in here, which I guess is part of my process, in a way. Is this even a process? It's just a way. It's an is. The is. There is a lot to get into these pages. That's always the case. And that's fine. But I need to get to cloud state now.
It's not really the last way we show them we love them, as I think about it some more. If they've taught us, if they've added to our lives, either in what they've given us, or by their example, or both, we carry forth in what is tantamount to a mission, bringing those things to bear on the world and the people around us, and what and whom we reach out to in that world as it expands and we share that love and example. The people we love and who love us needn't ever be far away, whether they are in this world or not.
